When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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