I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
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Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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