I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
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Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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