drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You may now shotgun with the bride
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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