Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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