Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize