Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Less talking, more tequila
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize