she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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