She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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