The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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