U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize