I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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