woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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