He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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