just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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