You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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