WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize