Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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