I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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