You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize