My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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