Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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