Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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