My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize