i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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