You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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