I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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