hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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