An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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