I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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