Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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