I'm so fucking centered right now
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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