If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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