I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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