I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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