we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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