So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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