you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize