Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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