I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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