And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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