sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize