I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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