Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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