well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
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We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i think i just lost a toe
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize