so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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