You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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