Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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