So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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