i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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